Expecting the Fairy Tale

Yes, you can expect the fairy tale in your emotionally available relationship - but I warn you, it's not going to look like the traditional "Happily Ever After" you see in the movies and on TV.

Feeding love takes effort, but many of us expect the fairy tale perfection of a relationship without being willing to do the work involved to sustain or nurture that partnership. Our culture promotes the scenario that once we find the "right" partner, all will be well and we won't have to work for loving results.

In the media we don’t usually see the background effort that contributes to working partnerships. We really only see when things go wrong. But if we saw behind other people’s successful relationships, we would clearly see that both the partners work hard to maintain a healthy working relationship.

So yes, you will get your happy ending from being with an emotionally available partner - and I promise you that the fairy tale you will recieve is better than you could ever hope for. But the real pay-off from learning to be right-sized and to love an emotionally available partner is that we get to do the work every day. The work of a relationship itself is the gift. As we participate in actions that build, sustain, and constantly renew our love, we appreciate the discipline of showing up and we enjoy  a working relationship. And we know we deserve this great partner because we ARE a great partner who is esteemable.

We didn’t sign a contract that said life would be easy around people and relationships; however, we are assured of great rewards from resolving our attraction to the emotionally unavailable type. Today take joyful action to contribute to a working partnership and reap the deep rewards of a fairy tale ending truly worth the effort.

http://www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com/

Why Flirting is Crazy Good For You

Do you ever flirt with people you find attractive? What if someone flirts with you? Does it make you embarrassed, happy, or aroused?

Flirting is a great way to open the door to a potential relationship or reignite the passion in an existing one but flirting is not to be taken seriously. Flirtation means to act amorously without having serious intentions. Flirtation is light, fun, and playful. The idea of flirtation is that it is a trifle.

You certainly may know how to flirt. You may even be quite good at it; however, it can be easy to take flirtations very seriously and put too much emphasis on it. And that can stop flirting from being good for you.

So why does this happen? Why does a harmless jolt like that hottie in the grocery store winking at you make you freeze up? This can happen for any number of reasons. If someone you consider undesirable flirts with you, you may become convinced that they want a relationship; then you run away from them. If a person you consider desirable flirts with you, it’s also easy to think that they want a relationship with you. Then you are disappointed if no partnership materializes.

It’s also easy in our culture to see another person as salvation rather than a fun dalliance or someone whose company you very much enjoy (Remember Jerry McGuire’s “You complete me”?). Focusing on the outcome, rather than the magic of attraction and joy, can make you wonder what the person who is flirting wants. Sometimes it’s even easy to deny that you are flirting with someone else. Flirting can also be very loaded for you if you are getting out of a relationship, are dealing with other major issues, or its holiday time as it is now.  

But flirting is very good for you and there is one simple way to deal with this conundrum: flirt with potential partners you find attractive if you feel like it. Try it. There is no harm in flirting. It is fun and good for the soul. And you can do it whether you are in a relationship or not. Flirting is magic!

If you are in a partnership, enjoy the sensations of refocusing your love, attention, and care on your partner. Strew the bed with flowers. Play outside with your love in the crisp weather. If you are single, get out in the world and connect with potential partners. Enjoy watching them. Admire their vitality. Stand in awe of the joys of desire, and allow yourself to play.

And flirt out of the box. Flirtation can be anything from dressing a little bit provocatively to briefly touching someone's arm in conversation to batting your eyelashes. Flirting can be double entendres or suggestive comments made in passing. Flirting is not serious and it’s a great way to reconnect with the natural lover inside of you.

But some of you may be saying, “I’m out of practice in flirting. I’ve been out of the game for too long. I can't do it. I’ve never felt comfortable flirting. It’s too frightening. Who’d be into me anyway?” I say, today is the time to flex your flirting muscles if you feel so inclined. Flirting feels good. It is a free, harmless, enjoyable pleasure. Today try flirting for fun when you are attracted to someone. And don’t take it seriously! Flirtation is the re-awakening of our souls to attraction. Flirtations do not have to mean anything. Whatever shape your flirtations take, have fun because flirting is the absolute bomb and it’s crazy good for you!

Your Inner Love Critic

Have you ever been so 'on your own case' that you felt you couldn't be spontaneous or natural with a potential partner? Do you ever feel you must be perfect to get love from someone you care about? Does anxiety sometimes hold you back from sharing love with someone special?

If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, you are certainly not alone. Most people have an inner critic in love matters. The inner love crtitic may develop early in a person's romantic life, or it may get more intense when taking the next step with a partner. However it manifests,the inner love critic is a real challenge.

But when you are someone who often falls for the emotionally unavailable type, the power of your inner love critic can stop you from pursuing relationships with people who can truly give you want you need--emotionally available partners.

So let's explore what the purpose of the inner love critic truly is. It really wants you to be happy, loved and safe; and it will use any means necessary to get you stay in ITS comfort zone. Unfortunately for folks who get easily hooked by emotionally unavailable individuals, the inner love critic can hold you back from the "RISK" of loving someone available. (The inner love critic's reasoning is: at least with an emotionally unavailable partner, you know it's not going to work out--so that is "less scary." But we all know the price of being with someone who cannot or will not meet our needs.)

So here I offer some tools to take the wind out of your inner love critic's sails.

1. Remember: the inner love critic's diatribe is NOT true.
2. Give your power back to joy.
3. Use a love boomerang that sends out love to others - and then boomerang it right back to you!
4. Shift the energy by dancing, exercising, spending time in nature, calling a good friend, or watching a funny movie
5. And, most importantly, give the inner love critic a voice. Journal a few minutes every day in the critic's voice, but then kindly thank the critic for sharing and move on.

You deserve an emotionally present person who is totally in love with you--and I want to tell you a secret: that person is waiting patiently for you to release the inner love critic and step into their arms.

http://www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com/