We’re heading into a season that can bring up a mix of emotions for lots of people. The holidays are pretty “loaded.” Energy flies at this time of year. Everyone is in a hurry, trying to get their shopping done; it’s easy to get stressed out. And amid the hustle and bustle, many people get lonely. It’s darker earlier; it’s getting cold outside. It’s easy to feel left out, isolated, and hopeless, whatever your partnership status.
If you’ve also had relationship challenges in the past at this time of year, the holidays may be a time you consider with trepidation. If you are in a relationship, you may have expectations of what should happen, you may want things to go your way, you may get disappointed, sulk, or pout with your partner. If you are single, you may feel alone, doomed, and hurt; or you may desperately search for a date. No matter what partnership situation you are in, the holiday season can trigger a mixture of feelings.
But there is a different way to look at the holidays. If you take the time to re-conceptualize the next few months, you can envision the promise that this time of year presents. The holidays actually give you an opportunity to truly love. There is magic in this whirlwind, you just need to nurture it.
If you are in a partnership, make the season special for your partner and for yourself by doing something out of the ordinary: taking in a play, going rock climbing together, or giving each other a massage. If you are single, plan some wonderful simple pleasure like dinner with friends, seeing that Hollywood blockbuster everyone is talking about, or relaxing in a luxurious bubble bath with a good book. (This is a great idea when holiday madness really hits. Even if you have to carve out the time—it’s worth it!) And it’s also important to remember that no matter what happens or what your status around partnership is, your bottom line can be -- Love Yourself. That’s the gift that will keep on giving.
But don’t get me wrong. I know this is a tall order for lots of people during the next few months. Almost everyone has a holiday horror story or two, whether you are with someone or not. There are lots of ways challenges pop up at the holidays.
People who are single may meet with comments about partnership status that can be very uncomfortable, like your tactless aunt who says, “Why don’t you ever bring a date when you come to see me?” or the person one desk over who keeps hinting that they are free for the company party. You really can get it from every angle at this time of year, and that’s enough to make anyone say ‘Bah-Humbug.’ But if this is the case, plan your response to parents, relatives, co-workers, and even friends. Set your boundaries high and keep your expectations low. Remember that everyone is feeling holiday stress. If all else fails, just walk away!
For people who are in partnerships, the holidays can also bring several juicy issues to the surface. Meeting your partner’s family, dealing with overzealous in-laws, handling family finances, trying to meet the needs of others, staying connected emotionally to the person in your life, and being present for yourself can present very real challenges. Instead of making another person play guessing games, state what you want in your relationship. Communicate, set boundaries, negotiate. If you need to be alone, take the space you need. If you need connection with other people, take the steps to get your needs met. Remember that you deserve to enjoy this season.
Another suggestion if you are feeling really raw right now is to make a decision to celebrate YOURSELF. The holidays are a special time. Joy, elegance, flowers, cake, special music, and good friends can make you feel terrific and appreciated. Whatever is going on in your life during this wild time, you are a reason to celebrate. With gratitude for all the miracles you have in your life, enjoy yourself and know your worth.
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