Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Do You Push Away Intimacy Because It's Too Scary?

One client recently recounted this event. She was on a 2nd date with a man who seemed very available. At the end of a good evening full of fun, he said, "I hope you're done with bad boys, because I'm a nice guy."

Sweet, right? Vulnerable, right? She also said he was very sexy and she felt inordinately turned on when he said this to her.

And what did she do?

She told him the relationship wasn't working for her and she jumped back into partnership with her 'ex,' - an extremely unavailable, bad boy.

As she recounted this situation to me, I asked her to check in with her feelings around what the available man had said at the end of their date.

What she said is very telling, and I will repeat it here. She said, "I was afraid. I was attracted to this kind, warm man who wanted me - and I knew if I let myself fall into relationship with him, I'd be totally unprotected. I'd want him too much and he'd probably reject me."

"So," I said, "Instead you fell back into a relationship where you knew you'd get hurt but you had more control because you knew the outcome. With the available man, you didn't know what would happen - but fear was running the whole show."

This was an ah-ha moment for her, and helped the next time she met someone available. I am happy to say that she is enjoying a fun relationship with her new emotionally available boyfriend now, and has no regrets about any and all available men she passed over in the past.

Everything is working out for our highest good and we can't make a mistake -- as long as we take the time to get clarity and awareness of what's going on inside.

Love is all there is - and it is waiting for you in the arms of someone emotionally available. Hang in there and enjoy the process!

http://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Available-Partner-Journey-ebook/dp/B005BZKTSC/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1317742923&sr=8-3

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