One of my clients told me a great story about noting her own emotional unavailability and how she overcame it.
She and her fairly new boyfriend travelled to London together for the long Labor Day weekend. She was so excited--especially since travelling with someone really tells you who they are.
The first two days were magical--spectacular. They dined, saw the sights and took in shows. The city glowed with perfect weather and endless opportunity.
Then her new boyfriend took out his copy of the recently released Harry Potter book.
Now they are both big Potter fans, but she had read the book already. She also knew how addictive it was. She could see her boyfriend pulled into it--not moving an inch from the couch in their hotel room.
She wanted to go out and play in the city with him. She tried to entice him in all the ways she could. But he refused to budge. In her mind, the clock was ticking down on their remaining trip time -- and here he was completely sucked into the book. He was so unavailable!
For the first half of that day, she went out and did fun things on her own but her frustration was growing. "How inconsiderate of him," ran her inner monologue.
Finally, she got so upset she had to leave the hotel room and get away from him.
She walked to a pub, ordered a beverage and thought deeply about everything, She even wrote a bit about her frustration with him. Didn't he know what she needed? Didn't he care that he was missing all London had to offer? What kind of person brings a book like that half-way across the world when it could be read immediately upon returning home?
She calmed down a little and after a while she started to see it all in a new way. Her boyfriend worked a very demanding job and hadn't had a vacation in years. He probably really needed the chill out time. What did it matter if he wanted to read the book? This was his vaction too.
These thoughts were revolutionary for my client who was accustomed to mostly thinking about herself and her unmet needs.
Sitting in that bright pub on busy Portobello Road, she came to these realizations on her own.
So, you know what she did? She ordered him take-out pizza and bought him every other book in the Harry Potter series. She had it professionally gift wrapped and presented it to him in their hotel room.
I bet you can imagine his reaction.
They are happily married to this day.
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