Dating Worries?

Do you worry about what other think of you and who you are dating/in a relationship with? So many people have fears of this nature. They worry they will be perceived as a “Cougar” or “Cradle Robber” if they date someone younger than them. They are concerned about what people will think if they want to date someone out of their faith or social class. They may feel attracted to someone who doesn’t fit into the traditional notions of what is “good looking.”

It’s normal to consider what other people will think of your partner, but many of us have let other people rule us. Often, this hasn’t worked out so well.

What I suggest is that you legalize all people. Make a decision that today all potential partners are legal for you.

Individuals have no charge. They are neither bad nor good. Whatever type of person you want is OK. All you have to do is stay in touch with yourself when you are with a potential partner.

The legalization process seems scary because many of us wish we could just have a rule book to follow; however, the rules are inside of us. Our internal knowing signals who it feels good to be with. Though it is scary, going through the legalization process makes it unnecessary for us to rebel, lose touch with our own signal, attempt to follow rules that dictate who we “should” be with, and run to those who can’t possibly be available. Legalization is the part of healing that moves us toward a wonderful person.

Today, practice—and worry less about what other people think!

www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Re-post from last year: How to Handle the Holidays!

Here Come the Holidays

We’re heading into a season that can bring up a mix of emotions for lots of people. The holidays are pretty “loaded.” Energy flies at this time of year. Everyone is in a hurry, trying to get their shopping done; it’s easy to get stressed out. And amid the hustle and bustle, many people get lonely. It’s darker earlier; it’s getting cold outside. It’s easy to feel left out, isolated, and hopeless, whatever your partnership status.

If you’ve also had relationship challenges in the past at this time of year, the holidays may be a time you consider with trepidation. If you are in a relationship, you may have expectations of what should happen, you may want things to go your way, you may get disappointed, sulk, or pout with your partner. If you are single, you may feel alone, doomed, and hurt; or you may desperately search for a date. No matter what partnership situation you are in, the holiday season can trigger a mixture of feelings.

But there is a different way to look at the holidays. If you take the time to re-conceptualize the next few months, you can envision the promise that this time of year presents. The holidays actually give you an opportunity to truly love. There is magic in this whirlwind, you just need to nurture it.

If you are in a partnership, make the season special for your partner and for yourself by doing something out of the ordinary: taking in a play, going rock climbing together, or giving each other a massage. If you are single, plan some wonderful simple pleasure like dinner with friends, seeing that Hollywood blockbuster everyone is talking about, or relaxing in a luxurious bubble bath with a good book. (This is a great idea when holiday madness really hits. Even if you have to carve out the time—it’s worth it!) And it’s also important to remember that no matter what happens or what your status around partnership is, your bottom line can be -- Love Yourself. That’s the gift that will keep on giving.

But don’t get me wrong. I know this is a tall order for lots of people during the next few months. Almost everyone has a holiday horror story or two, whether you are with someone or not. There are lots of ways challenges pop up at the holidays.

People who are single may meet with comments about partnership status that can be very uncomfortable, like your tactless aunt who says, “Why don’t you ever bring a date when you come to see me?” or  the person one desk over who keeps hinting that they are free for the company party. You really can get it from every angle at this time of year, and that’s enough to make anyone say ‘Bah-Humbug.’ But if this is the case, plan your response to parents, relatives, co-workers, and even friends. Set your boundaries high and keep your expectations low. Remember that everyone is feeling holiday stress. If all else fails, just walk away!

For people who are in partnerships, the holidays can also bring several juicy issues to the surface. Meeting your partner’s family, dealing with overzealous in-laws, handling family finances, trying to meet the needs of others, staying connected emotionally to the person in your life, and being present for yourself can present very real challenges. Instead of making another person play guessing games, state what you want in your relationship. Communicate, set boundaries, negotiate. If you need to be alone, take the space you need. If you need connection with other people, take the steps to get your needs met. Remember that you deserve to enjoy this season.

Another suggestion if you are feeling really raw right now is to make a decision to celebrate YOURSELF. The holidays are a special time. Joy, elegance, flowers, cake, special music, and good friends can make you feel terrific and appreciated. Whatever is going on in your life during this wild time, you are a reason to celebrate. With gratitude for all the miracles you have in your life, enjoy yourself and know your worth.

www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

The Action Step of Waiting

Waiting is a wonderful concept. It may sound counter-intuitive, but sometimes the action is simply sitting and waiting after you have done what you need to do with someone you love. When we wait and are patient; we recognize that it’s not what happens in our time that matters.

But the reason it can feel so uncomfortable for many of us to sit and wait is that we worry about not finding a partner, we worry about being alone (especially at the holidays), we worry we will never meet “the one.”

What I want to let you know is that when we sit back and wait, we actually allow good things to come to us. We create a window where the forces in the universe can actually deliver that emotionally available partner we are so looking forward to connecting with. When we step back and do nothing but wait, then we allow the universe to work. And I want to let you in on a pretty big secret: We don’t have to make anything happen to find and nurture the kind of relationship we really want—all we have to do is allow. We already know how to love naturally and love is our birthright!

Also, from a practical point of view, this is holiday time. Realize that responses slow in the last weeks of the year. If someone you care about hasn’t gotten back to you, or if all the dating you have been doing hasn’t “paid off” in the form of a new love, or if you haven’t heard from that ‘hottie’ you met last weekend, it may be because your task is just to sit and wait.

So sit back and wait, and enjoy yourself in a place of calm. Love will happen. Life will happen. You are a treasure and you deserve a partnership that deeply fulfills you. Let it come to you.

For more information, check out www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Dealing with Rejection

Can you let go of your fear of rejection?

It is challenging to let go of the fear of rejection, but it is so worthwile. Here's a few facts to help deal with rejection when and if it happens to you:

 

1. Rejection happens to EVERYONE - even those people you think have never been rejected.

2. Rejection hurts and is painful, but rejection is part of life. 

3.The person doing the rejecting is only working on limited information. Rejection is not based on something personal about you; it is about the other person. 

4. You don’t need to educate any person who rejects you or try to change their mind.

5. Rejection ultimately means is that there is another wonderful partner waiting for you.

Even though it may not feel good when we get rejected, today think about what it would be like to actually thank all the people with whom it hasn’t worked out.

When you do this, then you move on to be happy with someone else—an emotionally available partner!

www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

 

Are You Experiencing A Lot of Fear About Relationships?

Whenever our relationship fears take over, we can be certain that there are feelings coming up inside of us. All of our issues with partnership are actually a great tactic we have used to distract ourselves from feelings that seem too painful to face. Our obsessions with unavailable people, detours from intimacy, and anger at those who “did us wrong,” are all ways to distract ourselves from feeling the feelings working in us.

Many of us have developed this trait to defend against feelings we think will overwhelm us. We fear that if we face our feelings, then nothing will be left. We fear we won’t be able to handle the pain; we think that we might die if we feel.

If you are feeling a lot of fear right now about your relationship, check in with your feelings. Feelings are the only thing we can trust and they need to be respected. We access our feelings by getting centered, meditating, talking to friends, or working with a counselor.

Today we have the miraculous opportunity to hear what our feelings are saying, which will heal our relationships.  

Relationship issues do not stick around to punish us or make our lives bad—they are actually hanging on so that we can get closer to ourselves. Then we can be more honest about what we need and want in a relationship. Then we can let in an emotionally available partner.

To learn more, visit www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

The Importance of Fun

How much fun are you having these days?

Whether you are single or in a relationship, it is so important to have a good time. The only medicine with no side effects is laughter. Today think of some fun things you can do for yourself and the one you love. Being lighthearted is one of the secrets of emotional availability. Nothing has to be so serious today. Let yourself play.

Single? Are you waiting to do some fabulous, exciting things for yourself until partner comes into your life? You don't have to wait. Think about things you'd like to try--thing that make your heart happy. Then get out there and try something you have wanted to do all your life.

In a relationship? Try some of those things that you have dreamed about doing with the one you love.

Emotional availability is about letting go of outcomes and making ourselves happy - then we can truly show up for others as a full, complete partner. Today think of things to try that will really make you feel good. You deserve it!

www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

What an Emotionally Unavailable Partner Does to Your Soul

In my journey to true love, I found several things to be true. There is no partner who is:

-So good in bed
-So rich
-So attractive
-So popular
-So sexy
-So powerful

that it is worth hurting my soul.

If you find you are constantly getting hurt with a partner who is fabulous in one or many of the ways listed above, think about what that person may be doing to your soul. If it hurts a lot to be with your unavailable partner, think about other options.

You deserve a great relationship that nurtures your soul, heart, mind and body. And that partnership is available to you at any time!

www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Following Up On My Last Post

So let's talk practically about what happens if you are with someone who is not available--but are reluctant to take the plunge and let them go because of not wanting to be alone.

Well, its completely alright to do this; however, it will be more difficult to let in someone available if you are with an unavailable person. Not only will you be partnered, so that single energy that says 'I'm ready to meet someone great' won't be broadcasting, but you also will probably be consumed with the problems in the relationship with the unavailable partner.

I want to say that the real problem is fear. Fear of not getting what we want. Fear of being alone. We all deal with it all the time. It's debilitating.

Being emotionally available is about living and loving without so much fear. Of course, we are all going to become fearful from time to time. That is a reality. And fear can even be a good motivator.

But when we are so afraid to leave a toxic relationship, then we are hurting ourselves and the question becomes, "Why do I want to feel bad?"

It's worth asking this question and really listening to the answer.

You are an amazing person who deserves the best that love has to offer. You deserve an emotionally available partner. Hang in there and believe it because it is true. The love you dream of is just waiting for you to let go of your fear a little bit. And then, with that opening, an emotionally available partner can come into your life.

www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

P.S. - follow me and I will send you a free article on flirting!

The Universe is Not Late

When you find that you are trying to make a relationship work and nothing you do seems to make your partner happy, it might be a good time to stop and check in with yourself. Think to when you first started the relationship with this person. What were your motives? Were you feeling desperate? Did you feel like you needed to be in a relationship right away? Were you so lonely you felt like you might die?

Also, did you notice little red flags at the beginning that you tried to discount. For example, was the person not paying much attention to you? Did they always seem too busy to connect with you? Were they sending you mixed messages—saying one thing and doing another?

It is always OK to be in any relationship—the only question to ask yourself is if it feels good. Are you getting the satisfaction and fulfillment you want? If the answer is no, take stock of the situation. It may be that the relationship is not right for you.

But when you realize that a partnership is not a good fit, you may be pulled in two directions—you may be unhappy in the partnership and realize that; however, you also may not want to go back to the unhappiness of being lonely. Whatever you do is just fine, just know that there is a wonderful partner out there for you who is available and wants to be with you.

The universe is not late—an emotionally available partner is longing for you as much as you long for them.

 

www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Staying in Love

Many of us have trouble processing feelings of joy and fulfillment in a relationship. We often want to immediately get rid of any feelings that seem to be “too much.” We may be tempted to push someone away or to withhold from them when we feel full of love. We may go to the other extreme, too, and desperately seek to get more attention to prolong the high. We can become a cling-on.

Loving emotionally means doing things differently. It means sitting with our feelings of fulfillment and truly processing the joy of our satisfaction in love. The quiet, joyful process of healing may be uncomfortable for us. We probably aren't used to it. But we learn a lot and get fulfilled when we sit with the feelings of fulfillment in our body and spirit.

Today, let’s remember that love experiences are here to nurture us. Love is not dangerous. Now we honor our ability to be fulfilled with the profound trust that wonderful new love experiences are coming our way.
Today stay grounded in your feelings of satisfaction with a person you love and let yourself luxuriate in what feels so good - the love of an emotionally available partner.

www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Feeling Alone

It is a fact that you always feel alone when you are with an emotionally unavailable partner. I put the emphasis on always. There is always the feeling that you are not getting what you need.

It’s not a normal state to be in relationship with the unavailable type, but it may feel normal to you. That is because you may be used to not getting what you need. But always feeling lonely and needy in a relationship is a sign that something is wrong.

Before we talk about what to do if you answer yes when I ask you if you always feel needy in your relationship, let’s consider some of the reasons we may stay in unfulfilling relationships.

Put simply, we may do this because:

If we are in a relationship where we never get what we need and always feel lonely—at least we know the outcome. We know from the get-go that we will get hurt. There is no danger because we know in advance that we will be unsatisfied. As strange as it may sound, this may feel safer than the ‘risk’ of loving an emotionally available partner. If we are with someone unavailable, we never have to be intimate. And for those of us who are afraid of intimacy—afraid of being vulnerable and showing others who we truly are—then being with an emotionally unavailable partner makes perfect sense. It’s a no-brainer.

But, the problem is that the way we are trying to take care of ourselves may no longer be working. If you are reading this blog post, you may have gotten sick of being hurt all the time. You are probably sick of being in pain all the time—being lonely all the time.

If this is the case, change is possible. There is an emotionally available partner out there who is eager to meet you and share love in the type of partnership you want. Getting the love you crave can be done. Hang in there, and journey to true love as countless others have done before.

It works!

www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Relaxation

Feeling relaxation in your body allows profound shifts to take place in your life and in your relationships. When we know in our bodies that all is well no matter the condition, then we can love more deeply. Working with the concept of relaxation is the greatest gift you can give yourself - and your partner. 

When we worry, it sends a cascade of chemicals through our bodies at toxic levels. The reverse of that is is release - where we experience a calmifiying effect as the chemicals leave our bodies. Relaxation is a tonic that promotes well-being.

To have the relaxation and gentleness spread into our romantic lives, it is a good idea to exercise the relaxation muscle multiple times/day. This way, we are more likely to employ the technique when we feel overwhelmed in our relationship.

I'd like to offer you a simple physical practice that you can do many times/day. It only takes about 30 seconds. To trigger the relaxation response in the parasympathetic nerve, try this in this order:

1. Curl your toes
2. Squeeze your thighs together
3. Do one Kegel
4. Gently tickle the roof of your mouth with your tongue

Then relax everything and notice what happens.

Engage your body, and when the body relaxes the mind will follow.
Fo best results, practice when you are not triggered so that when you are, you will be more likely to do it!
www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

You Are A Great Catch!

Do you know what a great catch you are?

Do you know how lucky an emotionally available person would be to share time with you?

Do you understand that you are good enough for a great relationship right now?

If you answered yes to these questions, good for you.

If you cannot completely believe that these things are true about you, I want to tell you that they are. And if you don't believe them now, you can learn to see that they are the truth.

You are terrific. Any emotioanlly abvailable person would be lucky to have you as a partner. You are a great catch!

So I want to point out that the journey to knowing and claiming these truths for yourself is as important as the goal of sustaining a wonderful relationship. The journey to profound self-acceptance is worth all the time and energy it takes. And a interesting fact is that if you still haven't found the relationship "success" you are seeking, that might be because you still have the opportunity to love yourself more fully right now.

I know this may not be what you want to hear. You may want a quick fix, to get the 'brass ring' right now. I understand, But I also know how crucial it is to learn how amazing, worthwile and deserving you are right now - because then when you do meet someone available, you will be able to say, "Wow, they are so lucky to meet me." "They are so lucky to have a partner like me." "I am such a good catch."

This is not egotism, this is reality. And to know this to the center of your core is the great gift of this work. Love is your birthright, and you deserve it. Although it can be painful to really look at the root causes of what keeps you stuck in unsatisfying relationships, it truly is a great opportunity to get to the heart of the matter - and then to get beyond it!

Move on to an emotionally avaiable partner and share the richness of who you are in a fulfilling, harmonic relationship - the relationship of your dreams. Live and love and stop letting our self-hatred, shame and guilt hold you back. Get and keep the relationship you've always wanted. It all starts with you!

 www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Fusses and Slips

Have you recently had a fuss with the person you have been dating. Did they ask you if you are pushing them away? At this point, instead of worrying what will happen, if the relationship will dissolve, think about your answer to their question. Are you really trying to push them away?

No matter what the answer is, you are still alright. Even if you are trying to push them away when you get triggered by something they do, you are still worthy of love.

It is so easy in relationships to take everything very seriously, and believe that the partnership is doomed when you have a fuss with someone you care about; but that is unrealistic. As humans, we are all flawed, and we will make mistakes sometimes, overreact sometimes, and fly off the handle sometimes.

The important thing is to apologize, own up to what was going on for you, and make a committment to handle things a bit more skillfully the next time there is a glitch.

The truth is you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So relax and take things easy. Let the person you care about know you are sorry--and then move on. Life is too short to worry. Enjoy yourself, have fun and let loose a little. There is always a new opportunity to love waiting for you!
www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Pursuing Life Passionately

Life is not about struggle; life is about pleasure. We may have had challenging and disheartening experiences in the past with partnership, but those difficult experiences don't have to rule us forever. Often it's the old story that holds us back and hurts so much.

On old adage states that pain is mandatory; suffering is optional. I suggest that the same adage applies to relationships. Don't wallow in suffering--move on from the old story that hurts so much.

Today try a new way. Assert the belief that life is about joy, not sorrow. If there are fun experiences you would like to try, envision what it would be like to try these out. If there are potential partners that ou want to connect with, take positive steps to getting closer to these people. If there are ways you would like to contribute, offer your skills.

We were put on this earth to enjoy ourselves. Today is the day to go after your dreams and aspirations with the sure knowledge that amazing things will happen to you. When you contribute to the universe even a little bit and explore all the richness available to you, you are pursuing life positively. And you are emotionally available--and you can attract someone who can share true love with you.
www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Holding on So Tightly

Holding on so tightly to a partner is a common problem when we choose the unavailable type. We want to hold on to what little love is available, but we can end up pushing the person away. It is not an eefective strategy for a healthy relationship. And when we do attract an emotionally available person, we may continue to hold on too tightly, even though there is plenty of love to give and get. We do this because we are used to holding on - after having been with unavailable partners for so long.

So what can we do to avoid this this debilitating problem and keep from pushing love away?

The best strategy is to check in with ourselves when we can see that we are trying to take a hostage. Then we can remind ourselves that our goal is to be the emotionally available partner we seek.

Emotionally available people know that they don't have to hold on tight to force love. They know that love is always available and there is more than enough to go around. They know that love is it's own energy that builds when shared - and when it is not held with a tight grip.

Today, remember what you know intuitively because you are the emotionally available partner. Let your love go - trusting that they will be there when you need them. And if they aren't, you will get more information about their availability quotient.

Everything is progress and love. Trust in the process and get more information by letting go!

www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Taking Ourselves and Our Relationships So Seriously

What would it be like to wear your relationship like a loose garment?
Isn’t it boring to always to be worried about your issues 24/7? All that worry won’t help you make a relationship work. Realize that you are not powerful enough to influence any romantic situation by being overly serious about it. Everything is being worked out for the highest good.

Emotional availability is characterized by light-heartedness. If you imagine wearing your relationship like a loose garment, rather than a constricting piece of clothing, you can take some of the pressure off yourself.

Talking about entertainment, sporting events, the weather, trivia, and other news can be an antidote to the dilemma of heavy-heartedness. Emotional unavailability is characterized by an obsessive focus on how everything relates to the relationship; today make a choice to get out of yourself by talking to others. Then listen to them in return.

Today release all over-seriousness and let in the love of an emotionally available partner - yourself!
www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Are You a Love Hoarder?

Many people have trouble listening to stop signals in love relationships. It can be hard to listen to my ourselves and stop when we feel close to someone we are crazy about. We don't want the good feelings to stop.
But emotional availability knows there will always be a new love experience waiting to refill us when we need it. Love is everything; the whole universe is love. Love doesn’t just come from our partner. We have much love to give as well as to receive; however, sometimes we want to hoard the love.
We think we need to get as much as we can in relationships as fast as possible. We are afraid to let go of another person. We fear we may not ever be as full of love for them again as we are right now.

When we are full of love for our partner, it takes great courage to stop and let go a little. With practice, though, we see that stopping when we are full allows us more opportunities to experience our desires. Taking a baby step back from our love lets us refill ourselves anytime. Then we experience the magic of feeling our desire well up!

Today, know there will be a fresh new love experience waiting for you as soon as you feel your desire for your partner surface again.And heed your own stop signals for fun and pleasure! Feel free to let me know how it feels.
www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Developing A Prosperity Consciousness Around Relationships

        A lot of times, all we hear about in the media is the lack of available partners. But, as a matter of fact, statistics show that today there are more single people in the world than ever before. Scarcity is simply not realistic. You have the chance to pick with ease - especially if you do a little mental reconceptualizing.
        My question to you is: What would it look like to develop a prosperity consciousness around partnership? What would it be like to think that there are more than enough potential life-mates out there and that many wonderful potential partners would love to connect with you right now? 
       You may be ready to argue with me but I want to tell you a secret-there are!There are many people right now who want to date and mate a person just like you. You have the ability to choose with ease--you just may not know it or you may not recognize it.

Let me give you a few good examples and suggest a few great ways to meet them.

One way to gather your courage to interact with people in the world is to re-conceptualize socializing as a low-pressure activity. Take some of the pressure off. Many social clubs exist which are forums for low-pressure interaction. Sports teams, civic minded organizations, and spiritual or religious communities are also excellent places to meet people for conversation and activities.

         Another option is to pursue activities you love, areas you may be waiting to explore until that “someone special” comes into your life. I’ve seen this over and over. I had one client who wanted to sail. He got into it and was having such a great time that he almost didn’t notice two amazing women who were trying to get his attention. Smart guy—he finally got the message and is dating one of those ladies today.
         Another client of mine is a big fan of fine wine and she is having a great time attending social events. She even started organizing fundraisers and getting wineries to contribute pricey bottles to auction off for charity. Not only is she giving back but she tells me she’s met a whole crew of fun, single guys. Most importantly, she feels empowered and is doing something she loves.
         Reality all starts with belief--so make love comfortable for yourself by believing there are lots of people to connect with. Then you can interact with them and choose who really fulfills YOU!
          You deserve a great relationship-and as soon as you realize this in your heart, an emotionally available partner will realize it too. Then watch the love build and build!
www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is a special day. It can cause a lot of anxiety--or it can bring on tremendous feelings of intimacy and connection.

Many people put a lot of pressure on themselves chasing the ideal Valentine's Day. But Valentine’s Day originated as a marker of the point in February that the birds began to pair. It was only as time passed that the day began to be seen as specially consecrated to lovers. It became a sacred occasion for writing passionate letters and sending tokens of love to the object of affection.

Today in our world, with the long history of Valentine’s Day, the holiday can bring up many emotions for people, single or not; it’s a pretty “loaded” day. If you are in a relationship, you may have expectations of what should happen, you may want things to go your way, you may get disappointed, sulk, or pout with your partner. If you are single, you may feel alone, doomed, and hurt; or you may desperately search for a date. No matter what situation you are in, Valentine’s Day can stir up a mixture of feelings. It can be a huge trigger for many people.

This year on Valentine’s Day, I suggest a different approach. Valentine's Day is one week away and I ask: What would it be like to dedicate this special day to the sacred purpose of getting to know yourself?

What would it be like to realize that Valentine's Day presents you with an opportunity to truly consecrate your love for yourself. If you are in a partnership on Valentine’s Day, make it special for your partner and for yourself by taking in a play or giving each other a massage. If you are single, plan some extraordinary simple pleasure like dinner with friends or relaxing in a luxurious bubble bath with a good book.

No matter what appeals to you this Valentine’s Day or what your status around partnership, love yourself. You have a great opportunity to make the day special.

This year be your own valentine--and take the pressure off! What will you do?
http://www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com/

Anger

Anger is a powerful emotion. Sometimes it’s easy to be scared of your own anger. You may have “stuffed” it for years or let it out at your partner at inopportune moments. If you grew up around angry people like raging parents or other family members, you may have experienced anger as pathological. You now may fear that you have a disease passed down from them whenever you feel angry.

But anger is simply an emotion. Only your behavior can actually cause harm.

A good tool to use the next time you get angry at your partner is to honor that very powerful energy -- anger. An old saying goes, “Anger is a secondary emotion. It is just a cover for pain.” Anger signals that you are hurt. If you “stuff” the anger, you are not allowing yourself to acknowledge your own pain. Harnessing your anger effectively instead, you can use it to heal.

So how do you do it? There are quite a few effective ways to work anger out without hurting your relationship. Ways to harness your anger proactively include tearing up an old phone book, kickboxing, or pounding a pillow. Anger management classes also offer great tools and support. If a more New-Age approach appeals to you, meditation, yoga and stress management can be very helpful. Some people like to take a crystal or rock and visualize putting all that negative energy into it. Then you can hurl it as far out into the sea as possible, bury it, or put it in the freezer to “freeze” that anger.

Whatever way you handle your anger, it’s important to realize that your angry feelings mean you need to listen to what’s going on. Anger tells you that your boundaries have been crossed; it means that a limit you set is not being respected; it means that you are not getting what you need. Taking responsibility for your anger means you have the opportunity to get close to that part of yourself that needs attention. Anger is actually a profound indicator. When you realize that, you can get to the wisdom waiting for you on the other side. Then when you know why you hurt and have clarity about what your anger is telling you, you can wait until you are calm before clearly communicating your needs and feelings to your partner. It’s a sure fire way to get what you need, keep harmony, and share peace in your relationship. And you deserve it!

http://www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com/

How Does Your Partner Communicate?

A very important clue about the emotional availability of another person is how they communicate with you. Do they like to speak in person, on the telephone, by email, or by text? Do they only want to talk to you sometimes and not others? Are they too busy to answer your calls? Do you only hear from them late at night when they want to hook up?

The way a person communicates with you tells you a lot. So listen. If someone is emotionally available, they want to be with you. Not all the time, and not whenever you want, but an emotionally available partner will be present and will show up for the relationship about 80% of the time.

I know it's easy to convince yourself that a person is available when really they are not, so I have outlined some tips here for you to think about.

Does your partner only text you? Are they only available for email messages during the week? If so, NOTICE. The fact that they only text or email message speaks to the fact that they may not really be able to communicate at the level you want them to. Of course this doesn’t mean anything about them or you. You are not a chump if you are involved with this type of person and they are not a bad person. But it does mean that they may not able to give you what you need.

This week, think about what you need in a relationship. Take a look at how your partner communicates with you--and then take a look at how you communicate with them. An emotionally available partnership takes two willing participants who can show up for the other person and the relationship.

You deserve a great relationship and a partner who is there for you. You deserve the emotionally available partner--and that person is out there for you!

http://www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com/

Can You Make a Person Change?

Can you make the one you love change? The short answer is: not really. If your partner isn't doing things the way you want them to, the only thing that you can do to make them change and become the person that you fell in love with is to move back to being the person you were when you fell in love with them.

The best suggestion I have to offer if the love is leaving your partnership and you are desperate to make your partner change, is that YOU change. Hopefully, the one you love will follow your lead. Even if they don't, you will find yourself more fulfilled and happy when you make simple changes.

Ask yoursaelf: What brings you jo? What fulfills you? Where do you find your bliss? Then get back into those activities and watch the energy of your partnership change.

Whenever you find yourself trying to make someone else change, see that as an invitation to get back into some of the activities and relationships you "gave up" for them. My thought is that these interests will give you purpose and help you to stress less about any challenges that may come up in your relationship. It will also make you more of a complete person (which is always very attractive) and getting back into these interests will most likely make you happy.

We can never change another person, but light is contagious. Get into the good--because there is lots of it in the world--and watch as the harmony spills over into your romance.

http://www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com/

Perfection: Does it Have Anything to do With Emotional Availability?

In short, there is a simple answer to this question and the answer is no. Perfection has nothing to do with being emotional available. Emotionally available people are not perfect. In fact, they may hurt you fron time to time--but they will try to change behavior that distresses you. Remember: perfection is an illusion and no man or woman will ever be 100% available. We are all human and we all stumble from time to time. It's what we do when we fall short that matters.

When we are out there in the world of love and romance, putting our partner’s availability on the top of our list is important; however, we need to keep balanced expectations of people. Balance and moderation are essential when we are in a love relationship.

Promoted by the media, our parents and other cultural sources, we believe that the perfect relationship is out there. We think it's just a matter of finding that “someone special.” Then a relationship will be easy and we won't have to do any difficult work to get and keep 'happily ever after.'

The truth is that people aren’t perfect. Perfection is not real. It's a goal that can't be meet most of the time. Sure we can try, but the sad truth is that we will often fall short of this lofty goal. That's why our expectations can get us in trouble when we have romantic relationships--because there is nothing like romance to bring out our imperfections!!

So what's the answer? Well, there are a few rules of thumb to keep in mind. One is to let of of your unrealistic expectations of yourself AND your partner. Also know that giving about 80% to the relationship is acceptable for both you and the one you love. It leaves the other percentage free for each of you to develop your own interests - and for your partner to do the same.

Giving a reasonable amount within a relationship, and in the world, allows us all to be more human. Today have balanced expectations of yourself and your partner and watch the love increase.
http://www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com/

Limit Setting that Works

Do you set limits and boundaries with potential partners? If you are asking what a boundary is, it defines where we begin and end, and where our partner begins and ends.

When we set boundaries with someone, we make it easier for them to act appropriately with us. Boundaries help them and help us.

Today especially in this new year of 2012, when women and men are confused about what is appropriate and what the other person wants, it is tremendously appropriate to set the boundaries that keep us comfortable in a partnership.

If we need to see a person three times a week, we say that. If we cannot accept personal calls at work, we let an individual know. If we need a little space, we are up front. We make our boundaries count.

And most importantly, we do not expect another person to maintain the boundaries for us. The boundaries we set are ultimately our responsibility.

Today we set limits, maintain the parameters, or re-negotiate the boundaries as necessary. People can take it when we set limits. The reason is that boundary setting is actually a gift that lets another person know what does and does not work for us.

Today as a new year begins, set boundaries with a potential partner and watch the harmony grow in your love relationship. You may be surprised what 2012 brings!

http://www.theemotionallyavailablepartner.com/